Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
