I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
