i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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