Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
