I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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