So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
