I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
