47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
