Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
