Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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