i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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