you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
