i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
