What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
zippers are such a cool invention
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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