Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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