What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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