Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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