why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
