So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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