Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
