He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
