nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
