last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
