if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
