wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
