Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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