my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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