Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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