kristin has been a bad kristin
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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