Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
