piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
