i need an iv and a liver transplant
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
