just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
