i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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