we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
