That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
