he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
