More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
