So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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