you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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