She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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