Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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