Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
