His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
