Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
now i know why i became what i already was.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
