She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
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