I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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