Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
