just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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