The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
