Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
