Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
