ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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