so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
