Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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