3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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